Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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