she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
