Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
