these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
