As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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