i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize