Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize