worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
This house was built for laser tag.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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