Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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