i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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