just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
