This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
