I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
