guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
