They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
