I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
either way he was missing a nipple.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
