Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
