Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize