dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
