So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
