So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Come share oat with me in your robe
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
