you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
