my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
