After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
