i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
