seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
