We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize