And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
