I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
