How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
