and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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