i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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