Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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