I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Boobs speak an international language.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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