But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
