I molested 6 butterflies tonight
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
