I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Who put my cat in the fridge?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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