Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
