dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize