yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
