I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
