i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
