Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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