i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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