Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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