one might say we're banned from that church
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
