So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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