PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize