One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
God I need to hump something, right now.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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