Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
