whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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