just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
