You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
