i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We got so high we made milksteak
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
