i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
