My first STD was from a foam party
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You are a genius and a whore.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
