I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize