So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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