Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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