You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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