This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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