does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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