Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
