Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
