hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
