I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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