i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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