so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
