i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
