Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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