Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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