You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
