there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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