toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
