I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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