So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
