can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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