shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
