Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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